How often do you come across problems and find yourself stuck? You want to be moving in one direction, and a road block pops up. You try a different direction and another road block pops up! You try again and again, and you can’t seem to get around this problem. Seriously?!? It might be time to question how you operate and what lessons you need to learn
These problems can range from dealing with difficult people at work to dating the same kind of person over and over to struggling to manage your finances. There are a few things that are in play:
You hold a negative belief that runs in the background of your personal operating system.
You are getting a payoff from the negativity.
You are trying to “do” instead of just Being.
Let’s start with the negative beliefs. Somewhere, way down deep, you hold a negative belief about yourself. It can be something along the lines of “I’m not good enough” to “My only value and worth is tied to sex” to “I have to fight for everything I have.” These are all negative thoughts that have swirled through my head that became part of my operating system after having them reinforced with negative experiences. It took a lot of work with my coaches to help me uncover my beliefs through looking at my patterns of behavior. The last one of having to fight for everything I have was a recent discovery, but let me tell you, once it was revealed- it was recognized for what it’s worth and then transformed so I can be at peace and able to attract all that I want.
And you must think I’m joking about getting a payoff from the negativity, but I’m completely serious. Ask yourself what do you get from playing the victim? Is it sympathy? Is it attention? Support? When my ex-husband committed suicide, it was the ultimate victim card! After a difficult marriage to him and then left with raising our two kids alone, it could have been my excuse to have a huge pity party. And while I was grieving in the beginning, it was wonderful to have so many love on us. But then I caught myself wanting to play that card a year and two years later. It was my Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card when I was struggling. And if I wanted to throw a bigger pity party, I could pull out the full deck of being molested, raped, cheated on, married to a person with multiple addictions, divorced, HOAs, and on and on and on. But each offense, problem, and struggle gave me an opportunity to grow in a way I never knew I needed. I could have used them all to allow me to behave poorly, lash out at others if and when I got triggered, and be an all-around grouch- but I didn’t. I couldn’t. Instead of choosing to look at these events to gather more pity and sympathy, I found a purpose for them. I transformed them to serve a higher purpose to help others to have a positive payoff of peace, joy, and love.
The last one of trying to do instead of just Being has been a big topic for me. We were all brought up to do for others instead of doing for ourselves, lest we be called selfish. It got reinforced throughout our lives that we must "do" this to be liked, and "do" that to be accepted into a group, and so on. And after we have done all that we knew to do, we kept finding ourselves empty. I know every time I “did” to please others, I ended up feeling unloved and unappreciated. I couldn’t “do” enough to be wanted. I couldn’t “do” more than I was capable of. So when I stopped trying to “do” and started focusing on simply Being who I was created to Be, life changed for the better. It took lots of work to sift through my values to create the healthy boundaries that support who I am. I know my heart and do my best to live with integrity. I may falter at times, but when I catch myself trying to prove who I am to someone that is not capable of seeing me- I stop, regroup, and re-balance my thoughts and actions to focus on who I choose to Be. That’s all I can be and it’s definitely good enough!
Now ask yourself how you are choosing to look at problems. Are you feeding them to create more chaos? Are you thriving on the anxiety and drama? Are you inflating your own worth above others or are you choosing to be humble? Are you creating division in your life or unity? Are you using this as an opportunity to remain a victim or grow? Regardless of your past choices, do not despair. There is Hope! You can start now, yes NOW, to take this opportunity to let the situation become a positive one. Even the horrible, despicable, tragic ones. Allow the problems to become your opportunity for growth, purpose, and peace. Allow it to raise you up to a higher, more loving, and compassionate level in life. It’s always your choice!