Have you ever found yourself in an endless cycle of breaking up and getting back together with someone? You love them enough to want to keep trying but your logic is trying to kick in so you can move on? This cycle can happen with lovers, friends, family, and even with yourself! Why do we torture ourselves?
With a romantic partner, it is very easy to see this happen. You have the fight to end all fights and you realize for a nanosecond that you do NOT belong with this person. Either you have nothing in common with them because there was only one thread holding you together or they’ve changed so much from the person you fell in love with. Whichever it may be, you come to the hard truth you simply refuse to fully swallow. You try to work it out. Maybe you were too hard. Maybe you were triggered. Surely, there is still some worth salvaging. So you go back and make a valiant attempt, and all is well for a time. And then the fight to end all fights emerges its ugly head again. Dang! Didn’t we already get through this?!? Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
With friends and family, this cycle can be harder to see. You love the thought of your family and friends. Most of the time you truly do love spending time with them and lending a hand. But doesn’t there always seem to be one friend or relative that is an energy vampire? They drain all of the attention and emotions from the room and want your ear and shoulder to help get them through this next drama. Or maybe they only call you when they need something and never seem to have enough time to reciprocate. You’re always there for them and they suddenly disappear when you need them! Ughhhhh! Why do I keep giving them my time, energy, and resources when they clearly cannot manage to ever get out of the rut they have started calling home?!?
But what is worse, is the unhealthy relationship you have with yourself. You’ve been going through your day and your evil twin pops into your head to derail you from much needed progress. They whisper into your subconscious that you aren’t going to ever get anywhere or succeed. You’re going to fail. Because that’s what you are! A failure that nobody wants or needs. Gads! Tell that evil twin to go away and stop meddling!
So how do you get off of this crazy ride so you can have healthy relationships? Start with loving on yourself. Remind yourself of all the good you do in this world and how blessed you are every day to try again. Take a good hard look at all relationships that are causing you stress. Will it ever get better? Is this who they are? Accept them when they show you who they are through their actions and decide if this is someone you want influencing your moods. If you’re related to them, you can minimize your involvement with them to major family holidays and remember to not take it personally when they don’t behave better. And when it’s your evil twin… that one’s going to take far more positive energy to focus on the good in life and knowing you’ve done your best at each step.
At the end of the day, life is too short to live with voluntary anguish and anxiety. Spend your time with those who uplift your spirits and make you laugh. Choose the love!