42. Apparently it’s the meaning of life. Or at least it’s the answer for Arthur Dent. And it’s how old my ex would be had he lived. After a decade of unbirthdays, what does this all mean anyway? Why are we here? We find ourselves asking that very question, and here is all I can find for the answer.
The meaning of life is:
1. To love; to love yourself and others. It starts with loving yourself just as you are, knowing you are worthy of being lavished in love and letting down your walls to let love in. Let it heal your pain and mend your Soul. Let the love move you in the direction of your Truth.
2. To be true to who you are. Take the time to know your own heart and what your values are. Know your own boundaries and honor yourself by keeping them healthy. You are unique unto yourself and you deserve to understand what you require in life to be happy. Honor yourself with all of your decisions by acting with integrity.
3. To live your life with purpose. We are all created with a universal purpose of helping each other, but for each person it will take different forms. Still your mind. Listen to what it calls you to do. Your purpose can manifest through art or music or writing or listening. Take the gifts and talents you were given and find a way to apply it to helping others.
I think had my ex known the meaning of life, he wouldn’t have taken his own. He didn’t know Love. He had been sexually abused at an early age that continued throughout his childhood. His version of Love was broken and he couldn’t fully ever allow Love in because the only one he had ever known hurt him and used him. He couldn’t let real Love in to heal his heart, and sadly he chose to leave this world without letting the love we all tried to lavish on him nourish his Soul.
This led him to not live in his own Truth. He lived in an endless cycle of self-inflicted pain. His broken version of Love kept him making negative and damaging choices that involved drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and helped his mind to escape. It kept him in that cycle that left his only value in this world was being used for sex, which he tried to control by using others for sex. He never saw the light of his own Truth. He was more than that. His humor and charisma were infectious. And it could have been used for good. It could have been used to help heal others from the same pain he was afflicted with.
This took him down the path of not knowing his true Purpose. He was given a horrible gift of broken Love, and he didn’t know how to transform it. He didn’t know that through forgiveness he could transform his version of Love into something more powerful and healing. We are all given broken gifts of hurt and abuse that is meant to be transformed through forgiveness and sharing. It will be the glue the bonds us to one another when we mistakenly believe we are alone. It’s what allows us to know that the compassion we’re shown runs deep because someone else has been there before and has not only survived it, but grown and thrived. Our damage was meant to be shared, and there it is transformed into the healing Love that fulfills our Purpose of helping and healing others from the same wounds.
With that, my purpose from surviving his suicide is to share the meaning of life; to give Hope to those who are without. I could not save my ex from himself, but my prayer is to reach as many others as I can to heal their broken Love and shown them there is Hope. That is the final piece. Hope that every moment can be better than the last and Hope that we can always choose something different when we find ourselves trapped in that relentless cycle of damage.
Love. Truth. Purpose. Hope. So, how about you? Are you living with a broken version of Love that’s keeping you in a negative cycle? Do you know your Truth? What is your Purpose? How are you sharing Hope to others? If you find yourself stuck in any of these, contact me. You deserve to have your own light burn brightly in this world to serve as a beacon to those who are lost. Come be found.